I turn the BIG 4-0 in a week and while I know it is just a number and another day, I am for some reason fumbling to 40.
Turning 40 is kind of a big deal. It is one of those big, milestone birthdays, the last big one before you are “Over the Hill”. It evokes all kinds of feelings. They are all normal but they can be enough to drive you crazy if you let them. So, while I know my fumbling feeling is normal, I still can’t pinpoint what it is. I don’t think it is one of those midlife crisis things. I have no desire to go buy a shiny red convertible or do anything too crazy. Maybe it is just the fact that I will be 40 and even though it feels like just yesterday I was 20, the reality of turning 40 is beginning to set in.
The physical signs have been making their presence known over the last few years or so. My once sun bleached, dirty blonde hair has darkened over the years and there are now glittery strands of gray intermixed with the dark blonde. I have fine lines, especially on my forehead, you know those WTF lines. Maybe I shouldn’t make that face so often or I should start using those expensive anti-wrinkle creams. Well, if it isn’t too late already. I won’t even start with the hot mess that is my body. It has decided to fall apart this past year. I guess it didn’t get the memo that I have other plans.
I think part of the issue with turning 40 is societies standards. At 40 you are supposed to be settled. You know what you want and you have it or you are working your butt off getting it. At 40, you are looking at financial stability and your children becoming more self-sufficient and leaving home. The lists about what you should be doing, should know and even what to wear and what not to wear at 40 are endless.
Society standards are changing and we can thank Generation X. Yes, us slackers of Generation X. While everyone was busy talking about Millenials, Generation X was redefining adulthood. Generation X has been told, these are societies standards but as a generation, we don’t typically follow them. Instead of following traditional milestones and lists of what you should be doing we decide what is important for ourselves and pursue that.
It is no wonder why I feel like I am fumbling when society is trying to tell me one thing and my heart and gut says another. As someone who has never followed the beat of any particular drum why should I worry myself and start now? The more I think about it this turning 40 may not be that bad at all. Turning 40 is fabulous and I can’t wait to see what the next decade of my life brings. Who knows, maybe this year I will finally figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
