I hate going to the doctor. I know better, I really do, and as a mom I know I need to take care of myself. Lately, I’ve been having some issues with my hand, so I finally broke down and made an appointment. I put on my big girl pants and I was taking care of me for a change. This also meant reattempting to talk to my provider about my weight. Ugh, my weight and the weight gain i’ve had recently instead of weight loss. I know I should be happy how I am, I am healthy and I am beautiful no matter what size I am (and all that body empowerment stuff). I try not to let my daughter know of her mother’s body image issues because I don’t ever want my daughter to have them but… i’m not happy with me right now. I just want my old body back. I know it is here hiding under this pile of fluff, somewhere.
I hate the size i’ve grown to since my hysterectomy, it really has been the only downside to the surgery. The weight gain isn’t for a lack of trying either. I eat well, healthy, keeping everything in moderation. I know what I should be doing. If anything my biggest problem is that I probably do not eat enough. I’ve tracked my food, and watched my macros on and off for years. Eating enough (fighting old demons) and hitting my macros has always been a challenge.
In addition to eating healthy, I get exercise in too. I run, I try to log at least a hundred miles a month, running 4 days a week. When it is warm out I will ride my bike instead of run. Ya gotta change it up sometimes. I throw in some yoga and weights into my fitness plan too. Not as much lifting lately thanks to my hand and not being able to trust it but on good days I do like to bench press. It’s my favorite! So, I can’t help but continue to ask myself why is my weight going up and not down? Can skinny me please come out of hiding? I miss you and my skinny clothes.
At the doctor I discover I am up 4 pounds since my last visit 6 months ago. My weight steadily went up while training for my marathon and i’ve been working hard at bringing it back down. According to my home scale i’ve lost less than 10 pounds since January. It’s been depressing and downright frustrating. After waiting a while the PA finally comes in. She made a treatment plan for my hand, my asthma, and then we are left with my weight. Her solution, put me on something called Belviq and have me come back in 3 months. If that doesn’t help me she will then send me to a nutritionist. She then goes on to tell me that it is an appetite suppressant. Ummm what? I didn’t ask for a magic pill. I don’t want a magic pill. The appointment is over, my 10 minutes are up and I am now a bit dumbfounded and speechless. No real discussion is had about this magic pill she is prescribing other than it may lower my blood sugar. As I walk to the front my brain wakes up and I quickly look up the med on my phone discovering it is not covered by my insurance. When I go to check out, I ask for a different script. The receptionist got the PA’s nurse and I just sat and waited. When the nurse comes out I explain to her that it is not covered by my insurance and a few of my concerns. She retreats to the back and I wait some more. She later comes out with another script. I ask what it is and she tells me it is for a different appetite suppressant. I ask can she not refer me to an endocrinologist? My blood sugar is and has been just inside the prediabetes zone (thanks gestational diabetes times 4 pregnancies) and since I no longer have ovaries i’m on hormone replacement therapy. It makes sense to me to get to the root of the problem but hey I don’t have medical training. Just a script for Adipex.
I would have never thought that it would be so easy to get a prescription for weight loss medications. Losing weight isn’t anything new to me. As a teen I was “very aware” of my size and weight. I was never “fat” or anywhere close to being overweight but I was never as skinny as my size 2 sister. I controlled my food intake the best that my teenage self could. In my twenties, I gained a considerable amount of weight with my pregnancies. I tipped the scale at 200lbs with each pregnancy. I worked hard to lose weight after each pregnancy but was only really able to lose weight after I had my last child. When I struggled with my weight, I never had a doctor concerned about my weight. I have never had someone tell me I was overweight or obese even though according to “the charts” I was. I have yet to hear those words out of my current provider’s mouth but yet I have a prescription for an appetite suppressant. Is that what we do now? Instead of treating the underlying problems we just throw some medicine at patients and hope it works? Do we not ask them about their diet? Do medical professionals just assume we eat like crap and fill up on fast food and other junk? Do they assume we do not exercise or maybe that we lie about the exercise we do? Do they not ask about past medical history and history of eating disorders, disordered eating and body image issues? Is it the norm to just place a patient on appetite suppressant without any guidance? We skip the step about talking about nutrition and/or sending them to a nutritionist until after they have been on the medication for a few months? Do they not want to give the patient the tools to succeed?
The more I thought about it, the madder I got about the situation. This is not how people should be treated in regards to their health and wellness. Weight loss pills should be a last resort right up there with things like gastric bypass. They are serious business. These drugs are controlled substances and have a variety of serious side effects. Let alone there is the fact that you can only take these medications for a few weeks at a time. Looking at the patient as a whole and the life long goals should come first but in today’s times it seems that is a forgotten.
Maybe I’m just not getting it though? Am I suppose to be overjoyed that my doctor just blindly prescribed me a medication without any thought to my personal history. Hey, i’m going to be skinny now, right? Maybe i’m just thinking about this all wrong. All that research about diet and exercise must be wrong. I don’t need that. My doctor gave me a magic pill to make me all better, if I take it I am sure I will be skinny in no time at all.
That’s how it works right?